The narrator was born in 1980. Ekaterinburg is her native town. She lives here with her family which is rather large. They are eight: her mother, her father, her grandparents and four children.
She is the only daughter in the family. She is 18 (years old). She is a first- year student of the Pedagogical (Teachers' Training) University. She studies at the Institute of Foreign Languages at the English Department. She is going to be a teacher of English.
Her younger brother Victor is of school age: he is 12. He is the youngest in the family and the pet of their parents. He is the very image of heir father. He goes to school; he is in the sixth form.
Her elder brother's name is Nick. He is five years norrator senior. Last year he graduated from the Urals State Polytechnical University. He is an engineer now and works at a research institute. He is married and has a family of his own. His wife is a librarian. They bring up two nice children under school age. They are the same age – they are twins. They resemble their parents very much. Every day they are taken to the kindergarten. She is fond of her little niece and nephew. They are nice children, not spoilt at all.
Her eldest brother Denis is under thirty, but he is a single man. He is a military man and he calls himself a confirmed bachelor. But not long ago he got acquainted with a nice girl, fell in love with her and maybe he'll propose to her. So hopefully they'll get married.
The narrator father is a businessman. He is very practical and full of common sense. Her mother is a housewife. She keeps house and has plenty of work to do during the day.
Her grandmother is a teacher, but she doesn't work at present. She is on pension. Her grandfather is about 70 years old, but he doesn't want to retire from his work. As a matter of fact he is full of life and energy.
Her great grandparents are not alive. They died many years ago. She has many relatives in Ekaterinburg. Her aunt and uncle and cousin Mary live next door to them. They are very hospitable, and all norrators relatives often get together in their flat to share the news and to mark holidays and family anniversaries.
1) She is a first- year student of the Pedagogical (Teachers' Training) University - это предложение лишнее, поскольку в нем речь про университет, а в следующем за ним речь уже идет про институт. Университет и институт - это разные образовательные учреждения.
2) после he is 12 лучше поставить years old.
3) He is five years norrator senior
- не norrator, а narrator
- и лучше написать the narrator senior
4) She is fond of her little niece and nephew
Если речь идет про рассказчика, то лучше так и написать The narrator. А иначе не понятно о ком именно речь.
5) The narrator father
Тут лучше писать The narrator's father - апострофом обозначается принадлежность
6) She has many relatives in Ekaterinburg
Вот тут снова непонятно в отношении кого данное местоимение